The Next Session
by Bowser Jr's Descendant
Summary: When a boy gets a small mix up in a game delivery, he starts getting contacted by trolls who need his help. Rated T for Karkat's language in the future and some violence. And yes there is mention of the actual comic in here.
1. Chapter 1: The Next Session

**Chapter 1: The Next Session**

I sat on my computer reading Homestuck while waiting for my copy of the latest game from my favorite franchise to come. I had been waiting 2 years for this game and it was coming today. I heard the mail truck outside, and I ran out to see a package with my name on it. I got the rest of the mail and tossed it on my mom's chair as I ran up to my room to open my package. I grabbed a knife I got from scouts and cut the tape off the box. I opened the box and looked inside to find… a different game. I looked at the game wondering if this was some kind of prank, considering the game I got said SBURB on the front. Just then, I got a message on Pesterchum.

-cuttlefishCuller started trolling koopaKing-

CC: )(I! GLUB GLUB 38D

KK: Um…hello…

CC: DO YOU )(AV-E T)(-E GAM-E Y-ET?

KK: You're one of those random RPers aren't you?

CC: NO, YOUR-E T)(INKING OF N-EP-ETA.

KK: Well, who are you? And how did you get my chumhandle?

CC: I'm F-EF-ERI. I )(ad my FRI-END SOLLUX find you. 38)

KK: Uh huh suuuuuuuure… and you got the horns and gills and the purple-ish pink blood… and I'm a freaking clown who loves faygo.

CC: )(ow do you know so MUC)( about me and one of my fronds?  
KK: You must be one of those really obnoxious RPers who really gets into character…

CC: Again, t)(at's N-EP-ETA.

KK: You know what, I don't care anymore. What do you want?

CC: I just wanted to sea if you )(ad the game.

KK: I got a game alright. But it's not the one I wanted. I wanted a game called Ace Attorney 5, but instead, I got SBURB…

CC: YOU )(AV-E IT! YOU R-E-ELY )(AV-E TH-E GAM-E! T)(IS IS SO –EXCITING! 38D

KK: ….You switched my package didn't you…

CC: I'll glub at you in the game. 38D

-cuttlefishCuller ceased trolling koopaKing-

What was that about? How did this person know about my game? And for that matter, why did she care? Things only got weirder from there. I put the game back in the box. Soon after, I got a message from yet another person who I thought was an obnoxious troll role player. And boy did he sound mad…

-carcinoGeneticist began trolling koopaKing-

CG: DO YOU HAVE THE GAME YET?

KK: Oh crap not another one…

CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

KK: Not another obnoxious RPer…

CG: DUDE, YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU'RE THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE.

CG: NOW ANSWER MY QUESTION, FART KNOCKER. DO YOU HAVE THE GAME OR NOT?

KK: I don't think I should tell you.

CG: WHY NOT?!

KK: Until you can talk to me nicely, I ain't saying squat.

CG: OK, BUT DO YOU HAVE THE GAME?  
KK: What part of I'M NOT TELLING was unclear?!

CG: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T SAY SQUAT. THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS CONVERSATION, YOU STUPID HUMAN.

KK: You know what, I'm not dealing with this. Until you can be nicer, don't talk to me again.

-koopaKing ceased being trolled by carcinoGeneticist-

I could just feel that he was miffed. He kept trying to message me over and over, but I eventually blocked him. I decided to just install the game in my computer. Figured I might as well not waste a game like this. That's when yet another obnoxious person got to me…

-arsenicCatnip began trolling koopaKing-

AC: :33 hi there!

KK: Good Lord why won't you people leave me alone?

AC: :33 did my furends get you mad?

KK: Actually…wait you know cuttlefishCuller and carcinoGenetist?

AC: :33 Of course I know them. You're talking about Fefurry and Karkitty.

KK: …You're Nepeta aren't you…

AC: :33 Yes I am! How did you know?

KK: Oh my god, WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP PESTERING ME ABOUT THAT FREAKING SBURB GAME?!

AC: :(( I see my furends made you mad… I'm sorry about that, but you don't need to hiss at me

KK: Alright, I'm sorry. You dang "Trolls" have been pestering me all day. What do you guys want with me?

AC: :33 We need you to help us. Purretty purrlease?

KK: With what and Why?

AC: :33 You'd have to talk to Karkitty or Fefurry about that. I've gotta go. I'll talk to you in the game!

-arsenicCatnip ceased trolling koopaKing-

Well, that escalated quickly… I decided to contact one of them later, but right now I need something to calm my mind down. I went to the kitchen and made myself some lunch while thinking about what happened with Nepeta. What is it that they need my help with? And why did they come to me? After lunch, I decided to take a nap because I was pretty tired and I didn't want to deal with anything having to do with those trolls.

I went to sleep and immediately thought I was on acid. I woke up on a purple planet made almost entirely of towers. My Tower was the highest of the rest of them. I learned pretty quickly that on this planet, I had the ability to fly. I flew over to the second highest tower and found a girl still sleeping in her bed. It looked like this was her room. 'She must really like cosplaying,' I thought. She had dark black hair, grey skin, fins where her ears should be, and two weirdly pointed horns that looked like parentheses on her head. She also looked to be wearing a tiara. Just then, I saw some else in her room. I hid below the window so I wouldn't be seen, but I was still able to look in the window. This man looked like a real klutz, but he had a symbol that looked like he was of high authority. His shirt simply bore the club suite symbol over his heart. He was a short, round, black man. And when I say black, I don't mean African American. His skin was pitch black along with his fedora and his clothes. He looked at the girl and took out a knife. I was hoping it was going where I thought it was. Unfortunately for me, it was. He walked up to the girl and raised his knife. Before he could lower it, I rushed in and grabbed his arm. He looked at me with surprise and question in his eyes. I threw the knife out of his hand and flipped him on to the ground. I got off of him and got in a fighting stance. He got up a little dazed and I kicked him out the window and watched him fall to his demise. I looked back at the girl, who to my surprise was still sleeping. I wrote a quick note telling what happened and put it on her bed. I then flew back to my tower and got back in my bed. I woke up and found I was being pestered again.

-cuttlefishCuller began trolling koopaKing-

CC: Ar-E you awak-E y-Et?

KK: I am now… Just had a freaky acid trip of a dream.

CC: O)(, w) (app-En-Ed? Did you wak-E up on Prospit or D-Ers-E?

KK: I found myself on a purple planet made of towers.

CC: T)(at m-Eans you wok-E up on D-Ers-E! T)(at's th-E sam-E plan-Et I'm on.

KK: Wait… You wouldn't happen to have the horns that look like parentheses on your head would you?

CC: T)(at's M-E! 38D

KK: Oh good lord… I just stopped some weirdo from killing you on that planet!

CC: O)( NO AR-E YOU SAYING MY DR-EAM S-ELF ALMOST DI-ED?!

KK: I kicked the guy out a window, and you were sleeping like a baby.

CC: W-Ell, thanks for saving me.

KK: Now for the reason I need to talk to you. What is the problem that you needed to come to me?

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter 2: Entry

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize the previous chapter kinda sucks and looks rushed. That's because I used it for a school project. Yes I will continue the story and learn from my mistakes. Previously on The Next Session:

CC: O)( NO! AR-E YOU SAYING MY DR-EAM S-ELF ALMOST DI-ED?!

KK: I kicked the guy out a window, and you were sleeping like a baby.

CC: W)(ale t)(anks for saving me.

KK: Now for the reason I need to talk to you. What's the problem that you needed to come to me?

Chapter 2: Entry

CC: We kinda need you to )(elp us in our session…

KK: With what?

CC: W)(ale, our "leader" screwed up our session and now we )(ave no c)(oice but to glub at another )(uman to )(elp us win.

KK: So I take it HE'S the one who switched my package?

CC: Yes. )(e's currently raging over t)(e game )(e switched rig)(t now…

KK: He wouldn't happen to be the grey text guy who loves the caps lock, would he?

CC: T)(at's )(im.

KK: How did he screw up your session?

CC: W)(ale, it's a bit of a long story, but we accidentally made an unbeatabubble boss.

KK: So you need my help so you can beat him?

CC: Yes. Will you )(elp us?

KK: I don't know… I've heard about what happens in this game. And yet…..it sounds exciting.

CC: PL-EAS-E! We R-EELY need your )(elp!

KK: Alright I'll do it.

CC: YAY! I'll glub at you in t)(e game! 38D

-cuttlefishCuller ceased trolling koopaKing-

I can't believe I just agreed to that. Well, I decided to boot up the game and see how bad it would be. The visuals were good, but I just had one slight problem. I heard a noise downstairs once the game was booted up. I ran down to see my toilet in the hallway. 'It's ALWAYS the toilet!' I thought. I went around my house and made sure nothing else was screwed up, and luckily for me nothing else was. I heard a small thud in the family room and found a weird tower like thing with a lid in the center of the room. I figured I might as well get the pesterchum app on my phone so I could talk to the trolls while still in the game. I opened it up and immediately contacted the grey text guy.

-koopaKing [KK] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] -

KK: Ok, who the person responsible for screwing up the toilet in my house?

CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO CARE? OH WAIT, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GET YOUR ASS IN THE GAME SO YOU CAN HELP US.

KK: That didn't answer my question, Mr. Shoutsalot. Now who's the person responsible for screwing up the toilet?

CG: IF I TELL YOU, WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH GET IN THE GAME?

KK: Maybe…

CG: IT'S A YES OR NO QUESTION, ASSHOLE.

KK: I'll enter alright. Now who's screwing up my house and putting stuff in the middle of the family room?

CG: IT WAS NEPETA. SHE'S THE ONE WHO MESSED UP YOUR FUCKING TOILET. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR ASS IN THE GAME!

KK: Will do, Mr. Shouty McPottymouth…

-koopaKing ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist-

If there's one thing I hated about this guy, it was his attitude. But that wasn't the point. I decided to contact Nepeta so I could find out why she messed up my toilet and why there's this thing that looks like a sewer entrance in my house. If there's one thing that freaked me out it was the loud thud it made on my 100 year old house's floor.

-koopaKing [KK] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]-

KK: Are you the one in control of what's happening in my house?

AC: :33 Yes I am. What was the thing I pulled out of the floor of your hive?

KK: That was the toilet… Don't trolls have toilets?

AC: :33 I just use a litter box.

KK: Well that explains the toilet problem, I guess, but what is this thing that looks like a sewer entrance?

AC: :33 That's the thing your kernalsprite comes furom.

KK: And what do I need that for?

AC: :33 It's your guide in the game. I just n33d open the thingy and you n33d to purrototype it.

KK: Um…ok whatever…

AC: :33 What do I use to open it though?

KK: I would suggest something that won't make a mess. Keep in mind, my house is 100 years old.

AC: ;33 Ok then.

-arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased being pestered by koopaKing [KK]-

As I was about to suggest something, I saw one of my chairs go up in the air and land on the Cruxtruder. I was hoping the landing was soft enough so that the chair wouldn't be broken. I was sadly mistaken… As I was about to yell at Nepeta for breaking my gramma's chair, I saw an orange ball and crystal cylinder come out of the Cruxtruder. I figured I'd yell at her for breaking that chair when I entered. I remembered something about having to prototype the kernalsprite twice in order to get it to speak a real language. I needed something to prototype it with so it would have a base form. I decided it would be best to use something that isn't very threatening to start. I just threw in a stuffed bear I had since I was little and figured that would be its base form. I then threw in a picture of my grampa just so it would have a familiar form to me. After a few seconds of bright light, my sprite had become a Grampabearsprite. When I picked up the totem, I ran over to the totem Lathe and put it in the carver. As it got carved, I heard a thud a few rooms away. I ran up to it and saw what I could only assume was the Alchemiter. As my totem finished carving, I grabbed it from the Lathe and put it on the Alchemiter. I figured I knew what to do since I remembered the beginning of Homestuck pretty well. After a flash, I saw my entry way…. A crystallized ninja… 'OF COURSE IT'S A NINJA!' I thought.

I looked for something to use against it, but the only thing I saw that was near me was a pair of claw gloves with nails for fingertips. 'Well, beggars can't be choosers, I guess…' I thought to myself while slipping on the gloves. I stood in a fighting stance waiting for the ninja to strike. It ran up and swung his katana at me. I ducked and swiped at the ninja's stomach and hit my mark. When the claws made contact there was another bright flash of light and my house and I disappeared from that spot.


	3. Chapter 3: LOTAA

Previously on The Next Session:

I looked for something to use against it, but the only thing I saw that was near me was a pair of claw gloves with nails for fingertips. 'Well, beggars can't be choosers, I guess…' I thought to myself while slipping on the gloves. I stood in a fighting stance waiting for the ninja to strike. It ran up and swung his katana at me. I ducked and swiped at the ninja's stomach and hit my mark. When the claws made contact, there was another bright flash of light and my house and I disappeared from that spot.

**Chapter 3: The Land of Timber and Ash**

I woke up to a scene even more convoluted than my Derse trip. I saw three people all together in my house and talking to my Gram. I started to tear up at the sight of them but I didn't know why. I don't know them. Or at least I don't think I know them. Somehow they looked vaguely familiar.

"Hello? Who are you people?" I asked. But it looked like they didn't even know I was there. I repeated my sentence louder, but they still didn't hear me. As I tried to go and touch one of the people, my hand phased right through them.

_ '__What the hell?'_ I thought. I tried touching the person again, but to no avail. I went to go try touching the other people, but they were untouchable as well. This was starting to freak me out a bit because of what happened next.

I saw a big burly guy that looked like a giant version of the guy on Derse, only this guy had a heart on his shirt. He had an expression on his face that made me think he was in some kind of mafia group. He took out a gun and pointed it at one of the people. I ran up and tried to shove him down but wound up going right through him. As I tried stopping him, I prayed desperately that he wouldn't shoot. He said, "Nothing personal…It's just business." The last thing I heard was a shot that made the room echo.

I woke up to a sight that I couldn't even describe with words. I saw a forest that was smoldering in some spots, and thriving in others. As I was looking around awestruck I remembered that my house was probably a mess because of that transportation. I turned around and saw everything just fine and nothing broken, surprisingly. My Sprite practically scared me when he spoke up.

"Well, you don't look hurt." He said.

"Yeah I'm fine. And apparently so is the house." I replied.

"Welcome to your planet, simply known as LOTAA."

"LOTAA? What does that stand for?"

"This is the Land of Timber and Ash. It's always in danger of being set ablaze. Your main objective is to 'Restore the Trees.'"

"Great so essentially I get to be Smokey the Bear."

I locked up my house because I wasn't sure about what kind of people to expect here. I started to walk around the planet until I came upon a small village. As I looked closer at it, I saw what I could only assume were the inhabitants of the planet. And from the look of it, they were being tormented by some black thing that looked like a teddy bear.

"HEY!" I yelled. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

Well the black thing really didn't like the way I talked to him and he ran up to me ready to strike. I avoided his swipe and countered with my own, scratching his back deeply. Boy was he mad then. He started jumping all around me while trying to hit me. I dodged one hit and grabbed his arm, causing him to recoil. I slashed his head and he exploded into a bunch of units of what looked like fruit gushers. I picked it up and tried to eat it, but it tasted horrible and was as hard as a rock.

"You idiot, that's your grist!" My sprite said. I ignored him and looked at the people slowly coming out of hiding. I greeted to them as politely as I could, but the only response was a small sniff of my leg. As I got a closer look at the villagers, I realized they were actually the one animal I was afraid of. Tigers.

I jumped almost ten feet in the air as I saw what they looked like. I heard my sprite laughing at my fear, but I decided I would make him pay for that later. Right now I had to compose myself and get over my fear of tigers by talking to them.

I cleared my throat. "Uh…hi there. Are you nice people?"

"You smell like a nice person. We can smell your personality. Don't worry we're just grateful for you saving us from that imp. Thank you greatly!"

"Well you guys…seem like nice people… I'm just not that fond of tigers because of what they're like on my planet…"

"No need to worry about us. Not like that. Are you the Duke of Life?"

"Say what now?"

"You're a human, right? Then you really are the Duke of Life! This is exciting!"

"Uh… Gramps, a little help here please?"

"The Aspect of your session is what your Mission on this planet describes. Restore the trees. Your aspect is Life. Your Title is determined by your personality, but by your full personality instead of just a certain trait. It's also what you'll look like if you reach a certain level, but I'll get to that later. But because of certain conditions, your title is a new one that was filled in as soon as you booted up the game. Therefore, your title is Duke."

"So I basically get special treatment because of my weird personality? Nice to know I'm a special case in this game more than when I first entered…" I looked around to see more tigers coming out of hiding. I eventually got used to them. After a while I slipped away from the tiger village so I could talk to Nepeta.

-koopaKing [KK] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]-

KK: Well, I'm on my planet… Also, I don't like the fact that you broke my Gram's chair to open the kernalsprite home thingy.

AC: :33 Sorry, it was just there.

KK: As long as you didn't screw up my house while I was gone…

AC: :33 I've b33n trying to build your hive so you can reach the furst gate.

AC: :33 It's purretty hard when we're out of Grist.

KK: Is the crap that looks like Fruit Gushers but is as hard as a rock and tastes horrible?

AC: :33 I think so.

KK: I'm going to need a few hours…

AC: :33 What fur?

KK: The enemies explode into that stuff when I beat them. So I'll talk to you in a few hours…

AC: :33 By the way, what's your name?

KK: …..

KK: …..I don't know…

AC: :33 What do you mean?

AC: :33 Don't you know your own name?

KK: I can't remember much… I think the teleportation scrambled my brain.

AC: :33 I don't think so. The entry purrocess doesn't make you furget who you are.

AC: :33 It's purrobably just a tempurrary thing and you'll have your memory back in no time.

KK: Let's hope so. But for now, I have some stuff to do.

-koopaKing [KK] ceased pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]-

I decided I needed to do something known as the most annoying part of all RPG's… grinding. I ventured around my planet killing any imps that dared stand in my way and picking up the grist they dropped. Every time I beat a foe in battle I heard the victory fanfare from Final Fantasy and laughed like an idiot. After a while I came across a huge building and stared. I assumed this would be a dungeon and decided to make sure I had everything I needed to continue on.

After I was settled, I ventured into my first dungeon. I walked through the door and found it looked just like the Water Temple from the Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time. Inside, I started raging because of the sheer irritation that part of game caused me.

_Well,_ I thought, _I should probably come back later…_ And I turned around and left that dungeon. However, before I could leave, I was surrounded by imps and they didn't like the fact that I was in this dungeon so soon. I started slashing like a maniac to clear a path. After about 10 seconds of slashing my hands started to glow red and I began to leave marks on the fabric of space and time itself.

After plowing through the hoards of imps, I booked it back to the village and decided I had enough grist to start alchemizing stuff. Starting with my gloves, I made the typhoon claws by combining my gloves and an icicle I found near the temple. I then made the Eyetop out of my sunglasses and laptop.

This process continued until I made the best thing I could make with the stuff I had on hand. I made the Force of Nature Claws by combining my Typhoon Claws, a taser, a fan, a candle, and a hose. Surprising what you can find in the house that turns out useful. After a few minutes of fiddling around with my new claws, I got pestered by a certain caps lock loving potty mouth.

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling koopaKing [KK]-

CG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU DUMBASS?! HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO HELP US?!

KK: Hello to you too, sir Shouts-a-lot. I like to test out the stuff I make thank you very much.

CG: STOP CALLING ME THAT!

KK: Whatever…

CG: NOW I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.

KK: Fine I guess.

CG: I'M ON THE LAST CASE OF YOUR HUMAN GAME TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS AND I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO PRESENT.

KK: …..Really? You contacted me because you need help with presenting the correct evidence?! You are such a freaking hypocrite!

CG: HOW AM I A FUCKING HYPOCRITE?

KK: You tell me to quit messing around so I can help you and the whole reason you contacted me was so you could mess around with a game! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

CG: THAT'S NOT THE ONLY REASON I CONTACTED YOU, DUMBASS!

KK: Then why DID you contact me?

CG: WELL, I ALSO NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING KINDA IMPORTANT. YOU NEED TO ASCEND TO GOD TIER IN ORDER TO HELP US FULLY.

KK: Say what now?

CG: FIND YOUR QUEST BED, DIE ON IT, AND THEN YOU'LL BE ABLE TO HELP US.

KK: Um… I don't know where it is.

CG: WELL YOU BETTER START LOOKING!

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling koopaKing [KK]-

I didn't know what to do then. I just stood there looking at the pesterlog stunned. I have to die on a quest bed? What the crap? After about five minutes, I decided to go to bed so I could relax myself while Nepeta was building my house up. I went up to my room and sacked out on my bed. Once asleep, I found myself on Derse again.

Once in my room again, I found I was not alone. I saw the troll girl I saved the last time I slept, Feferi. She waved at me as I got up. I decided I might as well talk to her here in person instead of text. I walked over to my window and began to speak when her face went blank. I had a feeling something was wrong and her look had confirmed my suspicions.

I slowly turned around to find another guy who looked like the klutz I killed. He was a little taller with a pink diamond on his otherwise black clothes. He had a look on his face that said he'd rather not be here right now.

He took out a knife and charged at me lazily. I immediately took out my Typhoon Claws and our duel began. As soon as he tried to strike, I countered with my claws in an X formation. He moved his arm in a circular motion and tried to go under my guard. I knocked the knife away from him and prepared for a fist fight.

We went back and forth dodging each other's punches and landing a hit every now and then. When he got in close, he took out another knife and swiped at me. I dodged in time to survive, but to not come out unscratched. I felt my face and found he got my cheek under my left eye. I knocked the knife out of his hands, sat on him, and prepared to finish him with my claws, when Feferi stopped me.

"WAIT! Don't krill ) (im yet!" she yelled.

"Why not," I asked. "He just tried to kill me, and he's got a mark on his chest like the guy who tried to kill you!"

") (e mig) (t ) (ave answers!"

"….Alright fine, he can live... We'll interrogate him." I hogtied with a rope I found in my room, and went to work devising some questions. I figured I might as well interrogate him like they those crime shows like NCIS, and Law and Order. After getting my questions down I went over to Feferi, who was still staring at the knot I made. I snapped her attention to me and told her the questions I planned on asking.

"…and if he gives any lip, smack him around for me, would you please?" I asked.

"Alrig) (ht fin, I guess t) (at works. ) (ow did you do t) (at knot any ray?"

"…..I don't know. I just wanted to tie a knot that would hold him down." I walked over to our lazy assassin and said to him, "Are you ready to talk?"

"Yeah, whatever," he said dully. "It's not like I have anything else to do…"

"Alright then, first off, who are you?"

"They call me Diamonds Droog." He said.

"W) (y are you trying to krill us?" Feferi asked.

"Orders from the boss," He replied. "The black queen wants all you out of the picture."

"What does she want us dead for," I asked.

"Beats me, I just follow orders."

"Who else is working with you?"

"Three others, but I ain't naming names."

"Lemme guess," I said, "They've all got a card suite symbol on their chest, don't they."

The man paused. "Who squealed to you?"

"You're the third one I've seen since I started this game." I said. "The first one I killed by kicking him out a window. He had the Club symbol on his chest. The second one massacred some people in a dream I had. He had the Heart symbol. You are number three."

"Well, I'll be damned. You've done your homework, kid. I was warned about you. You're one we need to take out before you ascend."

"Try anything funny and it'll be your head instead of mine."

"Whatever… It's not like I'll be able to go back to the boss after a screw up like this."

"Then we'll be doing you a favor. Feferi?"

"Rig) (t…" She grabbed one of my claws and got ready to strike when something shook the tower. I looked out to find that someone was placing explosives on my tower and detonating them. I didn't catch his face, but I did see a fedora and a robot arm. After a few more shakes, I grabbed Feferi and my claws and flew out of my tower before it finally went down, killing Diamonds Droog in the process. "W) (ale, we got our info, rig) (t?"

"Yeah…and I think we've seen our final member of this group…"


	4. Chapter 4: Quest for the Quest Bed

Author's Note:

Due to some recent messages and because of the fact that it makes no sense to, I'm not gonna use Feferi's typing quirk for real dialogue. It will only be used for pesterlogs.

Previously on The Next Session…

I looked out to find that someone was placing explosives on my tower and detonating them. I didn't catch his face, but I did see a fedora and a robot arm. After a few more shakes, I grabbed Feferi and my claws and flew out of my tower before it finally went down, killing Diamonds Droog in the process. "W) (ale, we got our info, rig) (t?"

"Yeah…and I think we've seen our final member of this group…"

Chapter 4: Quest for the Quest Bed

"That guy looked like he was nuts!" I said, slightly traumatized by the near death experience that just happened. 'Just what I need' I thought, 'another person after my life.' I needed to get away from this guy and quick. As far as I knew he couldn't reach us up in the air. "Feferi, we need to find a safe spot before he finds a way up here."

"I have an idea" She said. "We can try finding a dream bubble and hide out in there."

"I thought those things just hang over people's heads when they sleep."

"Nope. They're scattered all around the furthest ring."

"Well, since we're kinda out of options here, and I don't wanna risk him finding our dream selves and killing them, let's find a dream bubble." I started flying away when Feferi stopped me.  
"Do you even know where you're going?" she said.

"Um…no, I don't…" I said, facepalming.

"Whale then, I'll take us to find a safe dream bubble. You go back to your mission on your planet."

"Uh yeah, about that. Mr. Caps Lock said I need to die on a quest bed in order to help you guys fully. Is he trying to insult me or something?"

"He's saying you need to ascend to God Tier in order to help us fully. If you die on your quest bed, you ascend to God Teir."

"Oh I see. But will I need to reach a certain level in order for it to be at its peak?"

"I think it would be better if you talked to Vriska about that. When I get us somewhere safe, I tell her to talk to you."

"Alright then. Make sure we won't be found by that crazy guy." With that said, I woke up back in my room. I knew I had a plan in mind, but first, I had to see if Nepeta was finished building my house up. My plan was to check with Nepeta to see how much of my house was built, then talk to Vriska. After that, I'd go on the hunt for my quest bed, or maybe try looking for my Denizen. I decided I'd figure that out after I talked to Vriska.

But first, I needed to contact Nepeta about my house. I opened up Pesterchum on my Eyetop and did just that.

-koopaKing [KK] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]-

KK: Hey what's the status on my house?

AC: :33 It's all built up.

KK: Awesome… Hey I have a choice I need help with.

AC: :33 What is it?

KK: Should I go on a hunt for my Denizen first, or my quest bed?

AC: :33 I think you should go hunt for your quest bed furst. Then you can test your God Tier powers on your Denizen.

KK: I guess that sounds like a good idea.

KK: Thanks.

AC: ;33 No purroblem.

KK: Well, I'm gonna go find my quest bed, so I'll talk to you later.

AC: :33 Ok.

-koopaKing [KK] ceased pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]-

I grabbed my Force of Nature claws and headed out the door of my house. I figured I might as well be prepared for anything, so I grabbed my Eyetop, and a few other things I alchemized. I then headed out to find my quest bed.

I walked around my planet for what seemed like miles, killing a few imps every now and then. In the distance, I saw a spiraling hill that looked flat at the top. 'I think that's my destination.' I thought. I walked towards that hill thinking about what it would actually look like. After a while I was contacted by someone new.

-arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling koopaKing [KK]-

AG: Helloooooooo! ::::)

KK: You must be Vriska…

AG: That's my n8me. Don't wear it out.

KK: …Ok then… Are you the one to talk to about God Tier?

AG: Yeeeeeeees I am. What do you need to know so I can dazzle you with my am8zing knowhow?

KK: Is there a certain level where ascension to God Tier will give powers at their peak?

AG: I don't think so, 8ut just to 8e s8fe, you'd 8etter get allllllll the levels 8efore you go God Tier.

KK: What level am I now?

AG: From what I can see, you're on the s8me echeladder as Nepeta almost.

AG: It's seems you have 3 more levels 8efore you are ready to ascend to God Tier. :::;)

KK: Great.

KK: One last thing

AG: Shoot.

KK: What does my quest bed look like?

AG: It's a sla8 of flat rock with four pillars and the sign of your aspect on it. It'll 8e at the top of a spiraling hill.

KK: Great. I'll contact you again if I need help.

AG: Since you know my n8me, you 8etter tell me yours.

KK: …..

AG: What's wrong? Don't you know your own n8me?

KK: I still don't remember much… So I'd appreciate you not rubbing it in my face…

AG: Fiiiiiiiine, I guess I can do that.

KK: Great. I'll pester you if I need help.

-koopaKing [KK] ceased being trolled by arachnidsGrip [AG]

I decided to go ahead and try and do a little more grinding to make sure I was at the right level to ascend and get the full amount of power. If this big enemy was unbeatable, I was gonna need all the power I could get. I plowed through hoards of enemies just to make sure I had gained all the levels I needed. After I finished, I went back to my house to rest up. I figured I might as well alchemize more stuff while I'm here.

I figured I'd better make a way of transportation so I could move around my planet faster. I made the Pshoooes. I put them on and tested them out, making sure I had a good feel for the controls. I also made the Supreme 100 point gloves. These had the same abilities as my Force of Nature claws, but with a bonus. These could fire elemental energy blasts out of the palms. I put the gloves away and decided to see how Feferi was doing.

I went to sleep and found myself on a beach when my dream self woke up. I looked around trying to find Feferi, but I didn't see her anywhere. I walked around calling her name until I bumped into another troll.

"Oh sorry about that," I said. "Have you seen a troll around here with horns that look like parentheses on her head?"

"That depends," the troll said. "What is her name?"

"Her name is Feferi."

"I'm so+rry, but I haven't seen yo+ur friend. There is ano+ther tro+ll just like her, tho+ugh."

"Oh really? What's their name?"

"Her name is Meenah. Ho+wever, I suggest being very careful aro+und her. She's go+t a tendency to stab peo+ple with her trident."

"I'll keep my eye out for her. What's your name, by the way?"

"My name is Po+rrim Maryam. What is yo+urs?"

"I….don't know… I've been having trouble remembering who I am lately…"

"That's alright."

"Thanks for the info, Porrim. I'm going to find my friend." I ran off to find Feferi when something caught my eye. I saw something rustling the bushes in the forest nearby. 'Well,' I thought, 'if there's one thing video games have taught me, it's investigate anything that moves that isn't supposed to.' I readied my new claws and moved slowly to avoid being surprised by whatever was moving.

I pulled back the bushes and got ready to strike when I saw a golden pitchfork headed for my face. I moved my head in time to grab the fork and pin the assailant down. My attacker started cussing and making fish puns while doing so.

"Do you really want to piss me off right now?" I asked.

"Buoy, you do not wanna fuck with me! Do you even know who I glubbin am?!" she hissed.

"I'm guessing you're Feferi's lookalike Meenah. You wouldn't happen to know where Feferi is, would you?"

"Just who da fuck do you think you are, pinning me up like this?!"

"Listen to me and listen well." I said in a slight growl. "You are going to tell me where Feferi Peixes is, or if you prefer, I can just gut you like the fish you are…"

"I don't know where my dancestor is… but if you let me go, I won't try to fork you again." She said fearfully. I glared at her, then shook my head and looked around in confusion. I looked at Meenah and pulled out the pitchfork. I gave it back to her and she looked at me with fear and confusion. She ran off and I left to find Feferi.

When I went out from the bushes, I looked around to see another troll looking at me with his mouth gaping. He had horns on his head that looked like Harry Potter's scar, along with that same design for the two scars above his eyebrow. He looked like he was from the fifties and never came out. He was wearing a white shirt with the Aquarius symbol and a pair of jeans.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Wvovw. No one's evwer scared her that badly." He said.

"Really? What's your name, buddy?"

"Name's Cronus, Chief. Wvhat's your's?"

'I really need to stop doing that…' I thought. "I don't know my name. Ever since I started my game, my brain has been a little scrambled and I don't have some of my memories…"

"Sorry to hear that, Chief. Wvanna go out sometime?"

"Excuse me? Are you really hitting on me?"

"Yeah, so vwhat do you say?" I walked up to him and pimp smacked his face in disgust.

"Let me make this clear." I whispered. "I DON'T SWING THAT WAY! Get it?"

"Got it…."

"Good. Now, do you know a troll by the name of Feferi?"

"I sawv her run that vway." He said pointing at a house in the distance. I looked and saw a troll in a cerulean dress outside of it.

"Thanks for the info." I said. I ran toward the house at full speed, but then stopped when I saw Meenah talking with the other troll. 'Oh man…what does she want?' I thought. Meenah looked at me and hid behind the other troll. 'Um…ok whatever.' I thought. I looked around looking a little creeped out by Meenah's fright. I then walked up to the other troll and asked if she knew where Feferi was.

"She c8me by earlier." She said. "She s8d she was going for a swim."

"Oh great…And I can't survive under water that long…" I replied frustrated.

"You're a human, right?" the troll asked.

"Yeah I am. Why do you ask?"

"My name is Aranea. 8efore Meenah's dancestor went into the ocean, she told me a8out how you can't remem8er much a8out your life. She asked me to heal your mind if you wanted it." I thought about it for a moment.

"Thanks, but for now if you can just heal my mind enough so I can remember my name, that'd be awesome."

"Ok that'll take a few minutes, 8ut it's a start. Please 8ring your head down where I can reach you." I knelt down to her level and the healing began.

After about five minutes she told me I was done. I got up a little shaky but I caught my balance and turn around. I thanked her for restoring that much of my memory, and then she asked my name.

"…My name is…Parker." I said. I was happy that I could finally remember my name. I decided I would get the rest of my memories restored after the game was over. "Would you be willing to give Feferi, a message for me?" I asked.

"Sure I can." Aranea replied.

"Tell her I remember my name and I'm about to ascend to God Tier."

"I'll tell her."

"Great. Thanks." I lied down on the beach and woke up in my room again. I pulled out my Pshoooooes and prepared for takeoff. But right as I was about to leave, I got pestered by Mr. Shouts-a-lot.

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling koopaKing [KK]-

CG: ARE YOU GONNA GO GOD TIER YET OR NOT?

KK: Just calm your tits bro. I was about to leave when you pestered me.

KK: Not only that, but I already know where my quest bed is, so it shouldn't be too long before I ascend.

CG: THAT'S GOOD. FOR ONCE A HUMAN DOES SOMETHING FUCKING SMART.

CG: WHEN YOU ASCEND, CONTACT ONE OF US. THEN WE'LL DISCUSS A PLAN TO BEAT THE BOSS.

KK: Will do. Talk to you guys after I ascend.

-koopaKing [KK] ceased being trolled by carcinoGeneticist [CG]-

I closed the message box and went outside my house. I put on my Pshooooes and took off. As I shot off to my quest bed, I saw the tiger village along with my sprite and they were all waving at me. I waved back and looked straight ahead for my destination. I landed on top of the hill and saw it. It was just like Vriska described. A flat slab of rock, four pillars on the corners and with the symbol of my aspect on it. Only there was one slight problem. I figured I'd need to contact Vriska to make sure there was no mistake in her info.

-koopaKing [KK] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]-

KK: Ok so just to clarify things here, how did you describe my quest bed?

AG: It's a flat sla8 of rock with four pillars and the sym8ol of your aspect on it.

KK: Yeah that's what I though you said. There's a slight problem with that statement though…

AG: Oh? And what might that 8e?

KK: My quest bed has two symbols on it.

AG: Whaaaaaaaat?!

KK: Yeah… It's kinda weirding me out. One of the symbols looks like a poison mushroom from Super Mario Bros.

AG: …..Ok whatever that is. I'm pretty sure you'll ascend all the same.

KK: This is going to be harder than I thought…

AG: It's alw8s hard to kill yourself. That's why you m8ke someone else do it.

KK: I guess that's works?

AG: Tell me when you've ascended.

-arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased being pestered by koopaKing [KK]-

I thought about it for a while, and decided the best person to help me ascend would be my sprite. I flew back to the village to get him, but as soon as I landed, the tigers got on all fours and growled at me. 'Uh oh' I thought, 'I think I'm gonna become tiger food…'

One of the tigers leaped at me and I pulled out my claws prepared to defend myself. The tiger roared and slashed at me in the air, while I countered with my own slash. Sparks flew as we clashed claws and slashed at each other. We went back and forth, clashing claws and landing a few hits.

After a while, I was able to knock out the tiger that leaped at me. I put him in a nearby hut somewhere safe so he could recover. I bandaged him up and left him in there. I walked out and was greeted by the apologetic faces of about 20 other tigers. 'This is freaky…' I thought. 'These must be bipolar tigers…' I told them the status of the tiger and there were big sighs of relief. I asked if any of them knew where my sprite was. I was told he went off to the Aquarius Temple. I had a feeling that was the dungeon that looked like the Water Temple. I figured I might as well go in and look for him.

After making sure I had everything I needed, I left for the temple. As I approached, I could tell this was going t be a pain. I entered the dungeon and destroyed any imps in my way. I went through the dungeon that was still annoying as hell. I finally got the boss key and used my Pshoooes to get the floor with the boss door. When I got to the boss door, there was a bright flash and then I heard a voice.

"Bro, you need to get yourself a better weapon before you go in there." I looked up and saw a kid my age clad in red clothes with a cape and sunglasses.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Name's Strider" he said. "Dave Strider."


	5. Chapter 5: Battles, Deaths and Dreams

**Author's Note:** I've been super busy here with EOC exams, a Taekwondo Tournament, family shit, prom, and writer's block so I haven't been able to write that much. But here's another chapter to hold you guys over for a while.

**Previously on The Next Session:** "Bro, you need to get yourself a better weapon before you go in there." I looked up to see a boy my age clad in red clothes with a cape and sunglasses.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Name's Strider," he said. "Dave Strider."

**Chapter 5: Battles, Deaths, and Dreams**

I looked at this guy with a perplexed expression. 'Who the hell does he think he is?' I thought. Something about him just pissed me off. I couldn't tell if it was his arrogant smirk, his enigmatic sunglasses, or the superior condescension dripping from his aura. It all just rubbed me the wrong way…

"Dave Strider, huh?" I said, eyes narrowed, "Interesting getup. You must be the Knight of…um…what, Gears?" From what I can tell, his aspect was obviously Time, but some childish urge prodded me to provoke this _Strider, Dave Strider_.

"Actually, it's Knight of Time." He replied, annoyance coating his words.

I snorted, completely unimpressed. "I don't know who you think you are, but I need to find my sprite, and I know he's in there. If you'll excuse me…"  
"Did you not hear what I said, dude? You need a better weapon before you go in there."  
"And I'm telling _you_, my claws will be fine."  
"You dumbass, Did you hit you're head or something?" Clearly getting irritated, he continued irately. "Slashes won't work against what's in there!"

"Then why don't I test my latest weapon's bonus effect?"  
"What the fuck're you talking about?"

"This…" I pulled out my Supreme 100 point claws and opened the palms. Dave glanced at the weapon for a moment, before suddenly tensing up and leaping out of the way. A wave of energy crashed into where he stood seconds earlier. "Is that good enough for you?" I asked scathingly.

He stood there, astonished by my demonstration. An almost grim expression replaced the surprise, however, when he pulled out a broken sword.

"I guess it's time to see if you really know how to fight." He said.  
Figuring it would be amazingly satisfying to punch that arrogant look off his face. I braced myself for battle. "Then in the words of Mario, Let's a go!"

His sword became whole and then our battle commenced. He flew at me with his sword swinging with an almost expertise grip. Clearly he was no amateur; I was almost impressed. Blocking most of his swings, I countered with slashes and energy blasts. We went back and forth, landing a few hits, before eventually knocking each other back with one more strike. We both fell back, panting heavily from exertion. Opening the palms of my claws, I secretly began charging ice energy. Strider didn't notice. Clutching the sword to his side, he coolly evaluated me over the rim of his glasses.

"So you think you can beat both me and the monster behind that door?" He asked, haughty façade broken.

"I don't think I'll beat it, I _know_ I'll beat it." I shouted back.

"Why would you risk your life for something like your sprite?"

"Because I'm not gonna lose my grampa to some stupid monster!"

"Your overconfidence will get you killed."

"Your lack of faith will do the same to you." I replied sagely.

"I've seen what happens to you in doomed timelines, kid." Strider continued. "I know what'll happen if you go in there in your current state."

"Then why don't you help me? Help me ascend to God Tier!"

The boy laughed derisively. "I'm not letting you get past me."

Thoroughly distracted, I was unprepared for when he suddenly swung at me, getting a direct hit in my stomach as a result. The momentum carried me into the air, launching me into a nearby wall. Pain exploded under my eyelids and I crumpled helplessly onto the ground. Blackness swallowed me whole.

Hours or minutes later, I finally came to, head pounding and mouth full of blood. For some inexplicable reason I found myself awakening in a ditch a few yards away from the dungeon entrance. My body was covered in fresh cuts and bruises, the pain making itself known. I winced. 'If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was sleep fighting' I thought. Of course that notion was ridiculous.

Dave was lying on the ground, unconscious, beaten, and very bloody. 'Whoa, looks like someone gave him a run for his money.' I thought. I pulled out a first aid kit I packed. He didn't look to be in critical condition, despite all the blood; some rubbing alcohol and bandages oughta do the trick. Crouching down, I began to administer the medicine, all the while wondering what monster could have inflicted such heavy gashes, and why I wasn't there to see it.

The bandaging took only a few minutes. Every once in a while, Dave would wince and whimper when I treated a particularly nasty gash, no matter how gentle I was. Bearing through it, I managed to fix him up all right. Tucking him in a ditch away in an area I deemed safe, I braced myself for the worst and headed for the dungeon doors.

I looked around the room and saw my sprite, looking like normal, only he was in a tank, flipping out, and completely mute. He looked like he was screaming his head off, but I couldn't hear anything. Although I'm not very good at reading lips, I could tell what some of his words were.  
"Run… Monster…Water…" From what I could get from those three words, there was a monster in the water and we all know what that means. I readied my claws and my sprite disappeared. I tottered at the edges of the room because I knew what to expect. Giant piece of blue gel made to look like water with a core in it. Only the boss that came out of the water wasn't what I was expecting. What I got instead was a blue blob that turned black and looked like a darker version of me. I could tell this would be difficult, considering the info I already had, but considering it was based off my sprite and looked like me (if I were a teddy bear, that is) it would be a little easier than normal.

"Hold a sec," the shadow said. I hesitated. "We need some epic battle music." He turned around and went to the wall across from where I was standing. He pressed his hand against the wall and it opened up revealing a small CD player. I looked around the room and saw small speakers hidden in the corners of the room against the ceiling. I looked back at my darker self and he placed a CD in the player. It closed and the wall looked like normal again. He turned around and faced me again, saying, "When the music starts, so does our battle." I readied my claws and waited. The music (which just so happened to be the Battle of Lil Slugger from Super Meat Boy) started up and we began.

I fired the energy blasts that had been charging in my hand since my battle with Dave and turned the entire room into ice. The Dark copy jumped up and moved toward me and started slashing at me. I dodged nearly all the slashes except for one that nailed me across my face. I screamed in pain then covered my face. I removed my hand and found something super screwed up. Instead of my blood being its normal red color, it was an Indigo color. Something snapped inside me again. Like my mentality started to disintegrate inside me, then everything went black again.

I had another weird dream in my blackout. I looked around and saw a bunch of trolls (that's what I gathered from the skin color and the horns) looking at something. I looked up and saw another troll, hanging in bright orange cuffs that looked like the cancer sign. He was covered in bright red blood, and speaking in a loud voice for everyone to hear. He started yelling and dropping f-bombs like nobody's business then a blue arrow shot him. What I heard next was heart breaking to say the least.

"Fuck…I'm angry…because I forgive you… When I close my eyes, I see a world where we all work together. And it's so…fucking…beautiful…" then he went limp, a loud scream was heard, then everything went white.

When I woke up again, I saw the boss on the ground, covered in black goo that I suspected was blood.

I pulled my claws and prepared to finish it off, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Looking at the boss now, I felt sorry for him. He was just lying there, twitching in his own blood and I was the one who made him like that. I turned around and found my sprite reappearing before me.

"What did you just do?!" He asked scared out of his wits.

"I'm not sure." I replied. "I started out fine, like battling an equal, but after seeing my blood, everything went black."

"Well, at least you're alright."

"Yeah…Let's get back to Dave. He's probably outside the door waiting to see what happened with me." We walked out of the boss room to find Dave standing a few feet away, with a dumbfounded look on his face. He was really surprised to see me come out of the room with my sprite following behind me. "Well, didn't I tell you? I wasn't going to lose my grampa to some monster."

"Damn…" That was all he could muster out. His face said it all, then after about 30 seconds, he went back to his normal don't-give-a-shit face. "You've got some skills. I guess me not helping you in the boss room was the only way to keep you alive."

"Well, you did help me discover another side to myself, although it's still kind of a mystery to me… But at least now it'll be easier to ascend to God Tier."

"That's why you were looking for me?" My sprite asked. "So you could ascend to the God Tiers? You know what I'd have to do in order for you to do that?"

"Yes." I replied. "That's why I came looking for you. I need you to kill me on my quest bed so I can ascend to God Tier to help out the others."

"You're sure you want to do this?"

"Very. I need to recognize my full potential. And I need to go to any means necessary to do just that." My Sprite shook his head and decided it was best to help me ascend to God Tier.

After exiting that dungeon, we flew off to my quest bed, which confused my sprite as to why it looked a little different than it should. I looked at it again, and I was just as confused. When I first saw it, it looked normal, only with two symbols on it. But now it looked like someone was chiseling at it and chipping away the edges, and it was more than one color this time. Down the middle long ways, it split between light brown and green, and purple and blue. The two symbols were still there, but they were almost merged so that they were over lapping each other. I looked at the slab of rock with a confused face and looked at my sprite.

"This is your Quest Bed?" He asked.

"I…think so." I replied. "It did not look like this before I entered the dungeon…I think I better talk to Vriska about this…" I switched on my Eyetop and was about to pester Vriska when my favorite grey text loving troll contacted me again.

-carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling koopaKing [KK]-

CG: ALRIGHT WHAT'S THE HOLD UP NOW?

KK: I had to get my sprite out of a hella annoying dungeon.

CG: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST OFF YOURSELF LIKE A "MAN" AS I THINK EGBERT CALLED IT?

KK: Did you ever ascend to God tier Mr. Shouty McPottymouth?

CG: NO, AND I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO QUIT CALLING ME THAT!

KK: Then keep your mouth shut. You have no clue how hard it is to ask someone to kill you or kill yourself.

CG: ALRIGHT YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT THERE. BUT HURRY UP AND ASCEND BEFORE WE DIE AT THE HANDS OF OUR VILLIAN OR MY PSYCHO CLOWN JUGGALO MOIRAIL.

KK: Just calm your tits for a few minutes and give me some time. If you pester me again before I ascend, you're gonna be blocked.

CG: JUST HURRY UP AND ASCEND. WE'LL BE WAITING ON THIS METEOR FOR YOU.

KK: When I ascend, then we'll talk about meeting face to face.

-koopaKing [KK] ceased being trolled by carcinoGeneticist [CG]-

I lied down on my quest bed and went right to sleep. My Sprite just looked at me with an unsure expression, wondering how I could be so ok with this. He took one of my claws and prepared to stick it in my chest. As he was about to go through with it, he heard a small ding. He looked around and saw nothing. The ding sounded again and again. He couldn't figure out where it came from. As he kept looking for it, a black blur appeared in front of my sleeping body and left. When my sprite turned around, he nearly have a heart attack. Protruding from my body was a thin black sword, which disappeared in a green flash after about ten seconds.


End file.
